...while reading Glamour.com to pass my time this morning I came across this great article by Erin Meanley entitled "31 Things I Wish I'd Known About Dating When I was 21" from her blog "Single-ish". It is blogs like hers that inspire me to keep writing, even if nobody reads it. Not only is she writing for girls like me who have a whole lot to learn, but she is putting into words what the dating world has taught her over the last 15-ish years. Here it is...
1. If you’re confused about whether a guy likes you or not, that’s probably not good. Confusion in romance belongs only in romantic comedies because it suspends the plot, but suspense in real life sucks. So try not to analyze the events. The truth will reveal itself without you having to do anything.
2. Sometimes guys flirt with you or pay attention to you because it makes them feel good about themselves. (Hey, we do it, too.)
3. Even a guy who will admit that you’re better looking than him should still be able to tell you you’re beautiful. If he holds back in order to control the situation, or to keep you, or keep you down, he’s got issues.
4. Don’t help him ask you out by texting him something nice or polite. I’m glad you’re more outgoing and thoughtful than he is, but he doesn’t want the help.
5. Guys want to get busy more than anything. They’ll say anything to close the deal.
6. It’s shocking how much guys will talk about marriage. Until there’s a ring on your finger, it will be better for you if you pretend you’re deaf.
7. It’s better not to lift a finger in the beginning.
8. In the early stages, giving him presents is too much. Generosity looks desperate to guys. You may be a great shopper and gift-wrapper; it may be his birthday and you may be wild about birthdays—even still, he’ll think you’re just wild about him. Too wild.
9. Guys just do not think like girls. I wish I’d had a brother. Real boys are nothing like the boys in movies.
10. They might take a decade to mature. Don’t hope they’ll grow up or be ready in the next six months.
11. Even if your family thinks there’s going to be a marriage, don’t let them spoil your guy. Yes, he’s grateful you gave him your car when he moved out of NYC, but he would rather have had to work for it.
12. Learn to cook. Learn to cook well. I see now that it would have won me a lot of points. A LOT.
13. Just because he might be smarter than you or more talented at certain things doesn’t mean he’s your servant and won’t mind doing all your homework/research/chores.
14. Guys get resentful, too.
15. You’re special, unique, and important, but you’re not a princess—no matter what Daddy says (although for the record, my dad calls me “Erin”).
16. It’s okay to say no. It’s more than okay. It’s always okay. If he stops calling (and many, many, many will), you’re only weeding out the guys who aren’t truly interested in you as a person. Time saved!
17. Playing it safe guarantees you'll have more time and energy to think about your grades or your work. Less drama in your life will always be better and healthier for you.
18. You deserve to be treated like a human being.
19. Your wants and needs are just as important as his, and if you don’t express them because you think it will scare him away, then you’re saying you don’t count as much as he does.
20. Even sophisticated people with professional jobs can have tempers or hit you or use foul language. I’ve known men who dressed like diplomats but they were ugly human beings.
21. You can’t force chemistry. If you like him as a friend, the attraction might grow, but if it doesn’t, don’t force it. And don’t waste his time.
22. Ease up on the sauce. Alcohol clouds your judgment.
23. No boyfriend-girlfriend relationship starts with a 1 a.m. booty text.
24. When a guy has taken you to Applebee’s five times and you say you want to treat him, he'll be psyched. But secretly he'll freak out if you take him to Ruth’s Chris, even just the one teeny time. Don’t try to match him one Ruth’s Chris for five Applebee’s. Take him out, but go to T.G.I. Friday’s.
25. Women love attention. A guy needs to be pretty crazy about you in order for him to pay enough attention to make you happy long-term.
26. My mom always said, “Men don’t think.” I thought she meant, “They are mistaken in their thoughts.” But they’re just not thinking anything at all. About you. They’re watching the game. That’s why they haven’t called.
27. There should be a medium ground between workaholism and his absolute devotion. “The knight departing for new adventures offends his lady, yet she has nothing but contempt for him if he remains at her feet” (Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, 658).
28. Never underestimate the quality of “interesting.” Men want someone interesting. They really do. Find some hobbies.
29. What are you hoping to gain by hooking up with this guy? If the answer is “him,” that’s a bad deal for you. “The woman gives herself, the man adds to himself by taking her” (de Beauvoir 659).
30. Expectations? They’ll ruin every dating experience you have.
31. You will never understand men. Just try to understand yourself.
...in conclusion, Erin is pretty confident in claiming that everything we anticipate will be disadvantageous, everything we think we know about guys is wrong, and the harder we try to understand why men and women do the things the do the more confused we will actually become. Another theme I think she emphasizes well is one of happiness and self-worth. There are too many girls out there today who feel like either they deserve too much or they don't deserve enough. We have to find the happy medium where we hold out long enough to find the right "something" that makes us happy, but also like she says we must understand that although our daddy may call us "princess" - we are not above anybody else's wants or needs.
Everything in life is an experience that brings us knowledge and understanding, except when it comes to guys and dating. Where guys are concerned, the more time we spend wondering or hoping or anticipating the more absolutely bewildered we are likely to become. So, as the blog claims "you will never understand men. Just try to understand yourself", because I know in my case that is a feat in itself...
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
And everybody wonders why no one ever tells the truth...
...I sometimes get myself in trouble because I don't have enough of a filter. I will talk about something, or slightly comment or even laugh or snicker in instances where in retrospect I should have just bitten my tongue and said nothing. There are also times when I purposely talk and act without a filter because I feel like the company I am keeping knows me well enough to take it all with a grain of salt, or respects me enough to know where I am coming from. I should be allowed to speak my mind and let things off my chest sometime right? It is not until later that I sit back and replay the situation in my head to see exactly what went wrong. I know I am in my own head more than most people ever take the time to really look into themselves - but I honestly can see where I go wrong. I hate that I don't have enough people in my life that I can truly just be myself with and say f**k everybody who doesn't like what I have say.
But I don't think I want to be that person either. I don't want to have the attitude that everything I says is okay and that I am above all social acceptabilities. But I do want to be taken seriously and I do want somebody to care about what I have to say. That doesn't mean I need someone to agree or someone to think that I am inspiring. I just need someone to know me well enough to consider what I feel to have some sort of importance. And it would also help if that person wasn't so self involved that I was in constant fear to discuss anything that might bring up one of their many issues. I would also appreciate the ability to come up with some sort of retort to the things I find interesting - and if not at least put on a bit of an interested face.
It is crazy in this so overpopulated world that people can coexist; live together, work together, play together - and really have no idea what the people they associate with are really all about. I am too critical of everyone around me, I know this because I find myself judging everyone silently to myself! You could be my best friend or the guy that walks his dog past my house one morning - no matter who you are - I have some sort of schema attached to who I think you are. I find as I get older and I live a little more this isn't becoming something I do less, it is definitely becoming something I do on a regular basis. There are so many people I write off and decide I don't want to be associated with and sometimes it really bothers me. There are those people I just have so little in common with that it wouldn't make sense for me to associate with - so maybe my criticisms are natural and life's way of showing us that like attracts like and evolutionarily we surround ourselves with people like us.
As bad as it sounds and as bad as it makes me feel, are my judgments really a way of natural selection? Am I striving to surround myself with people I believe are "like" me and have views and beliefs in common? Or am I simply being a snob? The other day while I was in the middle of telling someone how this one girl used to drive me crazy as a child and is now flaunting herself around like some big s**t, someone I know looked at me with almost a look of disgust. I forget what she asked me, but my reply was "oh, yeah I don't really like her". "Well, you don't like anybody" - was her response. There was obviously a little more intended with this comment, but I left matters alone without responding. I was caught a little off guard...but in reality I don't know how well this girl really thinks she knows me. She probably thinks I'm a snob and probably doesn't have much patience for my dislike of others - but again maybe that is why she is able to judge me the way she does - because these judgements are all completely natural and healthy in some evolutionary way. Her beliefs, values and ways of thinking are completely different from mine. Neither one is more tolerant of others or is living a better lifestyle. Neither her or me are perfect or will ever claim to be more than average individuals. But these judgements separate us - she understands me less than I will ever claim to understand her; therefore, our lives will never share significant moments and we will never rely on each other. I may simply be attempting to justify another one of my character flaws by making myself feel like less of an outsider and saying "Well everybody does it!" But maybe it is true, and maybe the people who support the Law of Attraction really have something going for them...
But I don't think I want to be that person either. I don't want to have the attitude that everything I says is okay and that I am above all social acceptabilities. But I do want to be taken seriously and I do want somebody to care about what I have to say. That doesn't mean I need someone to agree or someone to think that I am inspiring. I just need someone to know me well enough to consider what I feel to have some sort of importance. And it would also help if that person wasn't so self involved that I was in constant fear to discuss anything that might bring up one of their many issues. I would also appreciate the ability to come up with some sort of retort to the things I find interesting - and if not at least put on a bit of an interested face.
It is crazy in this so overpopulated world that people can coexist; live together, work together, play together - and really have no idea what the people they associate with are really all about. I am too critical of everyone around me, I know this because I find myself judging everyone silently to myself! You could be my best friend or the guy that walks his dog past my house one morning - no matter who you are - I have some sort of schema attached to who I think you are. I find as I get older and I live a little more this isn't becoming something I do less, it is definitely becoming something I do on a regular basis. There are so many people I write off and decide I don't want to be associated with and sometimes it really bothers me. There are those people I just have so little in common with that it wouldn't make sense for me to associate with - so maybe my criticisms are natural and life's way of showing us that like attracts like and evolutionarily we surround ourselves with people like us.
As bad as it sounds and as bad as it makes me feel, are my judgments really a way of natural selection? Am I striving to surround myself with people I believe are "like" me and have views and beliefs in common? Or am I simply being a snob? The other day while I was in the middle of telling someone how this one girl used to drive me crazy as a child and is now flaunting herself around like some big s**t, someone I know looked at me with almost a look of disgust. I forget what she asked me, but my reply was "oh, yeah I don't really like her". "Well, you don't like anybody" - was her response. There was obviously a little more intended with this comment, but I left matters alone without responding. I was caught a little off guard...but in reality I don't know how well this girl really thinks she knows me. She probably thinks I'm a snob and probably doesn't have much patience for my dislike of others - but again maybe that is why she is able to judge me the way she does - because these judgements are all completely natural and healthy in some evolutionary way. Her beliefs, values and ways of thinking are completely different from mine. Neither one is more tolerant of others or is living a better lifestyle. Neither her or me are perfect or will ever claim to be more than average individuals. But these judgements separate us - she understands me less than I will ever claim to understand her; therefore, our lives will never share significant moments and we will never rely on each other. I may simply be attempting to justify another one of my character flaws by making myself feel like less of an outsider and saying "Well everybody does it!" But maybe it is true, and maybe the people who support the Law of Attraction really have something going for them...
Monday, July 12, 2010
Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stoppin' it...
...so do we really ever just sit down and think about what is good about who we are? I find I focus so often on the things about myself that could be better, or things that I wish I could take back or change. I am rarely ever found to be pondering what it is about me that makes me awesome or appealing or attractive. I often feel like people can see through me and the walls I have built around my insecurities. I can't lie very well and I can't put on a front when I feel something. I wear my heart on my sleeve and show the world how I feel about anything, everything and most often how I feel about myself.
If I can't love myself or show myself off to the world with everything that I am worth how can I expect anyone else to be impressed with my qualities. If I try so hard to fake confidence and put myself out there with constant fear, how could my plan not be translucent? How could I possibly look legitimate?
I know there are those people out there who we always look at and think "WTF, how did they get to where they are? How did they get to that point". People getting married, or people having children, or people getting really great jobs...we tend to compare ourselves to them and figure out what it is that they have that we don't. And for me, these days the difference between those people and me is that they believe in themselves and are usually their own biggest fans. They don't fake it and they don't make excuses for those who don't believe in them.
I need a little bit more love in my life. Love from myself to myself that is. And maybe, just maybe will my love for myself attract the love and appreciation from others that I am really lacking...
If I can't love myself or show myself off to the world with everything that I am worth how can I expect anyone else to be impressed with my qualities. If I try so hard to fake confidence and put myself out there with constant fear, how could my plan not be translucent? How could I possibly look legitimate?
I know there are those people out there who we always look at and think "WTF, how did they get to where they are? How did they get to that point". People getting married, or people having children, or people getting really great jobs...we tend to compare ourselves to them and figure out what it is that they have that we don't. And for me, these days the difference between those people and me is that they believe in themselves and are usually their own biggest fans. They don't fake it and they don't make excuses for those who don't believe in them.
I need a little bit more love in my life. Love from myself to myself that is. And maybe, just maybe will my love for myself attract the love and appreciation from others that I am really lacking...
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Reaching for something in the distance...
...I am housesitting for friends of the family and was really looking forward to the time alone, until I got sick. All I want to do is lay in bed and have my mom bring me tea. It is so strange how 6 out of 7 days of the week I get driven crazy by my mom...but on days like today I would love for her to be here to make me feel better.
Even Buckley's cough medicine isn't doing it today, especially knowing that people have the day off tomorrow and I have no choice but to go to work in the AM. Urg, the drama of work continues...
Even Buckley's cough medicine isn't doing it today, especially knowing that people have the day off tomorrow and I have no choice but to go to work in the AM. Urg, the drama of work continues...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
But my thoughts you can't decode...
...a morning home alone is good medicine. Time to sit back and relax, watch a movie maybe and catch up on some email writing. Today, I am still tired. I am so ready for the weekend, and to be done work for good. When something in your life starts to take its tole and really bring you down, it is time for a change. The countdown is defintely on - exactly 4 weeks.
The anticipation of change is hard. The fear that whatever comes next might not be as good as what you have is always like the elephant in the room. But without taking a chance on the future you'll never know what might happen. You can't sit and settle for what you have if your current situation makes you want to strive for more.
Now, I am imagining an apartment of my own - with my own furnishings and space to do things my way. I want a comfy chair to relax in and a big oval table to eat my meals on. I imagine having a job I like, working with people I can have fun with and having something to do all day that actually occupies my time in a useful manner. I imagine friends who support me and ask for support in return. People around me who appreciate me and make me want to live up to my full potential.
I guess happiness is all I should really hope for, and I should be thankful for what I have and the opportunities that have been presented to me. I am apreciative of my past and my present, but now I feel like in order to be happy in the future I can reach for the moon and even if I fail I might fall and land amoungst the stars...
The anticipation of change is hard. The fear that whatever comes next might not be as good as what you have is always like the elephant in the room. But without taking a chance on the future you'll never know what might happen. You can't sit and settle for what you have if your current situation makes you want to strive for more.
Now, I am imagining an apartment of my own - with my own furnishings and space to do things my way. I want a comfy chair to relax in and a big oval table to eat my meals on. I imagine having a job I like, working with people I can have fun with and having something to do all day that actually occupies my time in a useful manner. I imagine friends who support me and ask for support in return. People around me who appreciate me and make me want to live up to my full potential.
I guess happiness is all I should really hope for, and I should be thankful for what I have and the opportunities that have been presented to me. I am apreciative of my past and my present, but now I feel like in order to be happy in the future I can reach for the moon and even if I fail I might fall and land amoungst the stars...
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Five percent pleasure and Fifty percent pain...
...mornings are just not my thing. I do not function properly in the morning wether or not I have been woken abruptly, or completely on my own - my body rarely feels completely rested or prepared for the day ahead.
Sometimes I think it has a whole lot to do with this stupid "nice factor" that I have cursed myself with. I just can't say "no" to people! I work too many jobs and don't have enough down-time. If somebody asks me to do them a favour, and at the time I don't have any conflicts I will usually give in, despite my true feeling of sometimes disgust for what I am doing. Normally this would be a good thing if you lived in Dryden and there wasn't a whole lot going on...but working until 11:00 at night and being up at 7:00 the next morning isn't natural. By the time I get home and changed and settled and watch a little tv and have something to eat, it's midnight and by the time I finally get in bed and get to sleep its 1:00 in the morning! I always go into it with the attitude that I will be fine and I'll get through it, but on a morning like today I have zero evergy and zero intention of actually getting anything done!
Sleep is good, exhaustion is bad. When will I get this through my head?! Even coffee can't rescue me today...
Sometimes I think it has a whole lot to do with this stupid "nice factor" that I have cursed myself with. I just can't say "no" to people! I work too many jobs and don't have enough down-time. If somebody asks me to do them a favour, and at the time I don't have any conflicts I will usually give in, despite my true feeling of sometimes disgust for what I am doing. Normally this would be a good thing if you lived in Dryden and there wasn't a whole lot going on...but working until 11:00 at night and being up at 7:00 the next morning isn't natural. By the time I get home and changed and settled and watch a little tv and have something to eat, it's midnight and by the time I finally get in bed and get to sleep its 1:00 in the morning! I always go into it with the attitude that I will be fine and I'll get through it, but on a morning like today I have zero evergy and zero intention of actually getting anything done!
Sleep is good, exhaustion is bad. When will I get this through my head?! Even coffee can't rescue me today...
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
You want my future, you can't have it...
...starting up a new, fresh blog because I am starting a new chapter of my life with a new and clean slate. I have less than five weeks left to work on my contract and then the move is on! I really should be working well in to November, but things just aren't going to end up that way. When I started here they knew I was planning on going back to school this fall - but seeing as none of their other applicants were qualified I guess I seemed appealing despite my intent to finish the contract early.
I have learned that a career in Long Term Care is probably not for me, even though the cash it has allowed me to put away is greatly appreciated :) I have learned from working here that to get somewhere in life and to be successful it takes hard work and dedication. Some of my coworkers understand that, while others either seem to struggle with the concept or are well aware but simply don't give a sh*t. You can't just show up at work and expect everything to work out well or for your day to be enjoyable. You can't expect to lock yourself up in your office, alienate your co-workers and still enjoy a cup of joe with them at 10:30. The workplace is a tough world, it is kind of like high school in a sense. There are the popular kids, the kids who wish they were as popular, the wanabes, and the workers. None of the categories co-mingle very well because everyone thinks they are more important than everybody else. Everyone believes that their program is more important or deserves special treatment. And, once anyone gets a little bit of power it seems to go right to their heads! It is like a mini society is formed with its own version of a caste system and everyone falls into place where the people at the top believe they belong. Everyone at the bottom hates the people at the top and the people at the top are usually too self-absorbed to realize it.
It would be easy to say that my experience hasn't been that great or that I have felt under-appreciated or under-utilized, but that just wouldn't really be what has been important over the last year. I think that this year of solid work experience has helped me to develop a better sense of who I am as an individual, as an employee, and as a young person who is striving to find a career that might satisfy me for the next 30 years of my life. I can be jealous all I want of those people who I believe haven't worked to earn anything or those who have been handed great job opportunities - but that will in no way benefit me and further my fight towards success and happiness. From now on, I must learn to count my blessings and realize that if someone hands me something without me having to earn it, it definitely won't mean as much as it would have if I had to bleed, sweat and cry all over it first.
This posting will be the first of many to come as I finish up this job, leave my hometown and begin a new professional degree in a new city at a new school. I find writing is a good way to get my feelings and true intentions out in to the atmosphere in times when my head is a little too full and jumbled. It is a good way to clear my thoughts and figure out exactly what needs to be said or done. For me it is also a good way to make myself feel better about the hard times and the best of times - knowing that I am just your average 20-something girl who just hasn't quite figured everything out yet...
I have learned that a career in Long Term Care is probably not for me, even though the cash it has allowed me to put away is greatly appreciated :) I have learned from working here that to get somewhere in life and to be successful it takes hard work and dedication. Some of my coworkers understand that, while others either seem to struggle with the concept or are well aware but simply don't give a sh*t. You can't just show up at work and expect everything to work out well or for your day to be enjoyable. You can't expect to lock yourself up in your office, alienate your co-workers and still enjoy a cup of joe with them at 10:30. The workplace is a tough world, it is kind of like high school in a sense. There are the popular kids, the kids who wish they were as popular, the wanabes, and the workers. None of the categories co-mingle very well because everyone thinks they are more important than everybody else. Everyone believes that their program is more important or deserves special treatment. And, once anyone gets a little bit of power it seems to go right to their heads! It is like a mini society is formed with its own version of a caste system and everyone falls into place where the people at the top believe they belong. Everyone at the bottom hates the people at the top and the people at the top are usually too self-absorbed to realize it.
It would be easy to say that my experience hasn't been that great or that I have felt under-appreciated or under-utilized, but that just wouldn't really be what has been important over the last year. I think that this year of solid work experience has helped me to develop a better sense of who I am as an individual, as an employee, and as a young person who is striving to find a career that might satisfy me for the next 30 years of my life. I can be jealous all I want of those people who I believe haven't worked to earn anything or those who have been handed great job opportunities - but that will in no way benefit me and further my fight towards success and happiness. From now on, I must learn to count my blessings and realize that if someone hands me something without me having to earn it, it definitely won't mean as much as it would have if I had to bleed, sweat and cry all over it first.
This posting will be the first of many to come as I finish up this job, leave my hometown and begin a new professional degree in a new city at a new school. I find writing is a good way to get my feelings and true intentions out in to the atmosphere in times when my head is a little too full and jumbled. It is a good way to clear my thoughts and figure out exactly what needs to be said or done. For me it is also a good way to make myself feel better about the hard times and the best of times - knowing that I am just your average 20-something girl who just hasn't quite figured everything out yet...
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